by Heather Lang
“I want my kids to have a better life than I had.” I think most of us have said this, but what does it mean? There are a few ways you could interpret it: One, if they had a rough childhood (absent parents or abusive parents, things of that nature) and now you as the parent have made a promise to be a positive presence in your child's life. Two, you just don’t want your children to struggle in life.
I certainly didn't have a rough childhood growing up by any means. Don't get me wrong, I had daily chores (more than most my age). If I didn't follow the guidelines and rules, I paid the consequences. I got the occasional spankings, groundings, an extra work load or the worst was when my parents said, “I'm just disappointed in you.” In our household you were expected to work for everything you have. You weren't entitled to anything. Having the greatest new toy or biggest house was never something I ever gave real thought to, because we were brought up knowing that family, memories and faith are what truly mattered in this world.
To this day, as a grown 30-something woman who is married and has kids of her own, I don't want to disappoint my parents. But, there was always love expressed and shown in multiple ways in my household growing up, even in the “disappointing times.” I never had to wonder if I was loved or how much I was loved.
Today when I hear people say, “I want the best for my kids. I want them to have a better life than I had,” I wonder what they mean. I believe a lot of parents just simply mean they don't want their kids to suffer. Let's be honest, no parent wants their child to suffer. That doesn't mean kids should be given everything. It doesn't mean they don't need to use manners or that they can use foul language to walk all over you and disrespect others. It doesn't mean that you are financially responsible for them for the rest of their lives. Or that they don't need to get a job and work hard in life. Wishing your kids have a better life doesn't mean that they will not face hardships. They will. And as hard as it is for you as a parent to not just step in and try to take away all their pain, it's crucial you don't. Be there for them, let them confide in you, always be willing to wrap them in your arms and know how much they are loved. But there is also beauty that comes from them facing those challenges themselves and coming out ahead on the other side. The confidence, independence, self-worth and self-love they will gain is more than anything you could ever buy them.
If we provide everything to our children and never hold them to the standards we know they are capable of, are we really giving them a better life? Or are we hindering and hurting them in the long haul?
Our job as parents is to raise our children so they are ready, comfortable and confident to go out into the world and succeed on their own. Don't get caught up in buying your child everything, rather focus on getting them to believe in themselves. I completely appreciate my childhood and core values I was taught as a child. I might not have back then, but I sure do today and someday your kids will thank you also.
Heather is a wife and mom of three kids who lives and works on the family farm near Sterling.