Image by Anastasia Gepp from Pixabay
by Elizabeth Meyer, RD, LRD
When will this all end?? I seem to be asking myself this question more and more every week (or day). There’s been a lot thrown at the world in 2020, and I don’t think it will magically be better once we enter 2021. But I’m hoping for a slight improvement at this point.
Coronavirus numbers are spiking in North Dakota and let’s just say it’s ruining a lot of things. I’m supposed to be getting married on Saturday – this can no longer happen #thankscorona.
I’m mad. I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m stressed. And I can’t get over it. I know its not the end of the world, I get that. But I’m stuck in a pity party for myself. I’m the only one here. Should I mention that? My fiancé of course is upset too, but he’s able to roll with it. I can’t imagine he’d be telling you I’m being easy-breezy about it, he’s probably more stressed just dealing with my emotions through everything. I can’t snap out of it; then I’m mad at myself because I can’t snap out of it. And I keep finding myself looking for something to make it seem okay, or feel better – and where am I looking??
In the kitchen. Now what on earth is going to help me here? The chips and queso didn’t. I even “stress baked” and made Special K bars – those didn’t help either. Nor did the hearty, warm, homemade veggie soup I made. Now, these things all tasted wonderful, but I still felt mad, sad, angry and stressed after I was eating them. I was especially mad after all the special K bar ‘slices’ I cut off (to not have to count eating a full bar – don’t tell me I’m the only one who does this).
I was talking to my friend (mom of 4) about my pity party and all the stress I don’t know how to deal with, and it turns out she’s using Cheetos as medication. Also not working for her, though I love her choice. Some of her kids are in school, some are in daycare, some have been having to do school at home due to COVID all while she’s trying to work from home. I know there are MANY families in this situation. What do we do? We’ve been asked to do the impossible. Teach our kids at home, while many of us are trying to do our jobs at home and never wanted to be teachers. Nothing is normal, and nothing feels good about this. We are stressed. What we are forgetting is that it’s okay to be stressed. And to sometimes just plain suck at what we’re doing. It happens. We can’t be good at everything. We don’t even know how to deal with the situation we’re in. When was the last time you lived through a pandemic?
Exactly. You probably haven’t.
We see people on social media looking like they’re killing it. And then we feel bad about ourselves, because things aren’t really going that great. Guess what? They are struggling too, but nobody is posting that. It’s okay to not be okay. I’m not okay right now. I lost a friend a few weeks ago. Due to our world’s situation, I had to miss a gathering and the funeral. Both chances to grieve normally. I still haven’t grieved. I’m not sure how to when those opportunities feel like they were stolen from me. But I have to figure it out. In the meantime, I keep reminding myself its okay to be sad. Its okay to cry and its okay to not have a clue what I’m doing. It just doesn’t always feel ok going through these things.
Feel all the feelings. Even when you don’t want to. This has to end at some point, and we’ll all be stronger in the end, but we have to get there first. Keep pushing. Take things 5 minutes at a time if you need to – sometimes one day at a time feels impossible. I know. I’ve been there.
Elizabeth Meyer is a licensed registered dietitian. Her posts appear monthly on OYT.
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