Image by 👀 Mabel Amber from Pixabay
By Kelli Bowen
“I don’t need any more adult friends!” That statement was made while chatting with a friend and she told me about some small-town-drama in which she found herself in the middle. “I’m going to just stop trying to make friends as an adult. That’s it.” I heard her exasperation and I feel it too.
Who has the time???? Honestly. Job, kids, spouse, community, mental health, spiritual health, physical health, self-care, and now we need to find time to vet other humans to see if we are compatible???? Ew. This made me think. I have come up with my Top 10 requirements if you want to try to be my friend…
1. You’ve gotta laugh. This is huge. Joy-bringers, laugh-makers, joke-tellers, story-crafters, these are my favorite people. I can’t decide who I like more: those who laugh unabashedly or those who can make me.
2. You’ve gotta be honest. Honesty isn’t always pretty. Sometimes honesty is hard, but honesty is always welcome. This doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk about it, sometimes a soft approach helps.
3. You’ve gotta be nerdy. I don’t know what it is you’re nerdy about. Maybe it’s a particular movie, maybe it’s a hobby, a sport, music, a place or a moment in time, but if there’s something that you talk about and your eyes light up and you nerd-out, that’s pretty special.
4. You’ve gotta bounce back. If hard times knock you down, you’ve gotten back up. You’ve learned. You’ve grown. You have scars and stories.
5. You’ve gotta be flawed. This has nothing to do with parading your freak flag around, no need for that. This just means we’re all flawed, so tread lightly when another person’s flaws fall out. Flaws slip. Show some kindness.
6. You’ve gotta help. This doesn’t mean me. I mean, it can, and I’ll totally appreciate, but you need to help someone, something, some cause, help some where.
7. You’ve gotta be trustworthy. If you can’t be trusted with the little things, you can’t be trusted with the big things. Trust is pretty straightforward.
8. You’ve gotta go. If something moves you, you gotta go! Whether it’s a hobby, a person, a cause or a goal, something needs to move you. Maybe it’s the discovery of finding what moves you that moves you. Woah…
9. You’ve gotta try. I ain’t got time for victims. Everyone gets dealt a crap hand now and then. Bad moods, pity parties and venting need to happen, but you can’t live there and neither can I.
10. You’ve gotta respect your people. If you feel comfortable tearing your people down, whether you’re with them or not, I certainly don’t need to be one of your people.
There it is. There’s the checklist for being Kelli’s friend. Here’s a secret: it’s also my checklist that I try to live up to. Think about what you want in a friend. Good luck trying to make friends as an adult. It’s rough out here.
Kelli makes her home in Cass County with her husband, two daughters (8 and 5) and two dogs. She works for a regional seed company by day and tries to be an alright mom, wife, friend and writer by night.
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