by Heather Lang
Some days it seems that no matter what you do or how much you give it just isn’t enough.
Navigating the demands of work, family, and personal fulfillment can be incredibly challenging, leaving me feeling drained and questioning my own adequacy. Personally, it is common to feel like my efforts are never quite enough, especially when juggling multiple responsibilities such as a full-time job, farm duties, attending children's events, and volunteer work. Many days I feel as if I have nothing more to give. On other days I ask myself, "Although it may be all I have to give, is it enough?"
For the better part of my life, I have known that I am not a nurturing person per se. I would say "protector" might be a better adjective for me. And when I love, I love unconditionally. Gentle parenting, although great for some, is not my style. I would not describe myself as a helicopter parent or a coddler. It might seem harsh to say that but understanding my own parenting style and values is crucial in raising children who feel loved and supported. I was raised to always be accountable. My parents meant what they said and did not make open-ended threats. I learn best from my failures and I thrive off challenges. My parents believed in us and pushed us because they knew what we were capable of. Above all, there was never a doubt of how loved we were. I want the same for our kids.
Years ago I was doing a team-building challenge where we were asked to draw our happy place. Mine was easy. I started drawing trees, a stream, birds, the sun shining, and myself sitting in a chair. At the end my instructor said to me, “Heather I find it interesting that you have no other humans in your picture. Who will you interact with?” A bit puzzled, I told her, “You asked me to draw my happy place. My happy place is by myself in nature taking it all in. No distractions, no loud noises, just peaceful.” To this day I find solace in nature and moments of quiet reflection are a powerful way to recharge and find clarity amidst life's chaos. To this day when I get overwhelmed in my head with the thoughts of not being good enough I go spend time with the animals - just sitting and taking it all in. By spending time with animals, immersing myself in the peacefulness of nature, and connecting with my spirituality, I can center myself and regain perspective. The other day our youngest asked me why I take so many pictures of the animals. But he was quickly able to answer his own question. He said, “Because it makes you happy, right Mom?” Although some of my headaches come from the animals they also provide a safe and happy place for me.
It might seem contradictory to say I like to stay very busy, yet my happy place is a peaceful, slow-paced world. The kids and I try to take date days as often as possible and to outsiders those don’t appear as anything special, but they mean the world to us. Our date days consist of things like: taking the ATV driving in pastures looking over the herd or down by the junk line to see what we can repurpose to make part of our operation better, going to the gravel pit to do a bit of target practice or shooting hoops together in the driveway. Our youngest watches "The Incredible Dr. Pol" as he aspires to be apprenticed by him one day. I love hearing the excitement in his voice and seeing the sparkle in his eye as he gets to share what he has learned from the show to help us on our farm. Or when our kids learn how to perfect a family recipe and learn new tips and tricks in the kitchen. The joy in their voices and eyes as they learn and grow with us is truly special.
In a world that often glorifies busyness and hustle, we value these simple yet meaningful experiences. The bond we’re creating together through these activities is priceless, and the memories we’re making together will last a lifetime. Prioritizing these moments of connection, learning, and joy is a testament to understanding what truly matters in life. Our lifestyle is the perfect way to continuously nurture these moments and treasure the time spent together, for it is in these small moments that the beauty of life truly shines. These are the things in life that matter. These are the things that need to be prioritized.
For those who need to hear this: Despite the exhaustion, it's important to recognize the value of what you can give. Even if it doesn't always feel like it's sufficient, it is. Trust in your instincts and the values you hold dear, for they shape not only your own happiness but also the lives of those you cherish.
These days everyone is talking about their "flex." Our flex lies in nurturing children who understand the importance of independence, drive, and unconditional love, creating a strong foundation for their growth and development. I believe that embracing my unique approach to parenting is a testament to my dedication and love.
To hear more of our story I encourage you to follow our Instagram page @ndpiggytales.
Heather is the former NDFB District 7 Promotion and Education Committee member and is also a former American Farm Bureau Federation P&E member. She currently serves as the president of Burleigh County Farm Bureau. Heather and her husband, Lucas, raise animals and crops on a 5th generation farm near Bismarck.