By Kelli Bowen
I was talking with a friend, who has known me since the before-times, back when I had two healthy living parents and not a pot to — you get the point.
We were raised in the 1900s and neither of us had much of anything to our names. We both had moms that generally stayed home to raise kids. We rolled around in old beat-up cars that may or may not have had an FM radio, and hand-me-downs or thrift store finds were where most of our wardrobe originated. That was all well and good because no one knew any better. We were all in the same boat and just getting by.
Anywho – she called and said that everything with Hubby, me and the girls, our move, looks just amazing! Through the lens of Facebook, Insta, and Snapchat, it looks like we are on vacation every day!
I couldn’t let my friend of decades be duped. I simply said: “Social media isn’t real.”
People, please don’t compare your lives to some shiny, edited, carefully curated version of someone else’s life that they thoughtfully post on social media. That is not the whole and true story!
On my Instagram, I post photos. I love photography. Since that’s my most public account, I stick to landscapes, North Dakota and generic community events. Since I work in tourism and hospitality, and I’m in one of the MOST beautiful places in North Dakota, I have no shortage of inspiration. A good shot of a sunset or a body of water sucks me in every time. Some think I have a knack for good pictures, but I go by the rule: “If you take enough photos, something is bound to not suck.” For every really nice bison photo I post, I have a hundred that I don’t do anything with and just because I post a photo, doesn’t mean I’m at the place. Sometimes I just need a little escape from reality, so I go through my camera roll, edit, and post a photo from an earlier adventure.
I post photos of our family swimming at the pool. I don’t post that my swimsuit is tattered or that I will inevitably run into a coworker and then have the inner dialogue of wondering if I just traumatized said coworker getting to take in all this chunky middle-aged awesomeness in a tattered swimsuit (wait…is the suit that you can see through on the backside if I stand just right…oh dear lord, I cannot show my face in the catering meeting ever again).
I also don’t post that we only went to the pool after arguing with the kids for three hours about if they technically did “all” of their chores, but truth-be-told I needed out of our 700 square foot rental house on a 100-plus degree day, and the mom-guilt of working all the time and not spending “quality” time with my family made me spiral into thinking I’m a failure, so to the pool we went!
Then there’s the friends, oh the friends! We have gotten to see so many friends this summer…or at least that’s how it appears. I’m working full-time, plus Hubby is trying to get some semblance of a normal life set up and unpack a home while taking care of two kids and a dog, and squeezes a 283-mile trip to the other side of the state about every 3 weeks. We are busy. Social media is showing lots of pics of smiling faces and butte-iful selfies. Twice I walked feet from my office and found someone I knew from back home. Twice while driving through the campground to get home, I found people I knew. I get texts from people “I’m in Medora!” I pop over and say hi, grab a hug and a photo, maybe a drink if it’s late enough in the day, and I’m off to my next meeting.
On social media there is no context. It doesn’t say, “I worked 3 of the 4 days my sister was out to visit.” or “Here’s Aunt Loraine, we accidentally bumped into her while pumping gas,” or “Hubby’s walking around town with me as I run work errands because we wanted to chat while the sun was still up”. There are just photos and smiles, and the viewer is left to create their own story, which I have found is usually much more fun, exciting, and resentment-causing than reality.
So if anything can be extracted from my ramblings, let it be this: social media is not real. It’s snapshots of lives that 98 times out of 100 have more to the story. People are interesting, complex, and more screwed up than a pic, and a short caption will lead you to believe.
That being said, I don’t like whining and complaining online. There’s too much negativity out there as it is, and I like posting a well-taken picture and a little glossed-over update for the friends and family who aren’t in our daily lives. If you are in our daily lives though, you get the real deal…ask me or Hubby about the stench in the walls. That definitely wasn’t social media perfect. Hmmm – maybe that should be my next blog…
Just try to keep it real, and keep it honest, and know that social media is only one very glossy fragment of a much bigger story. Remember, friends, we are all in the same boat and just getting by.
Kelli makes her home in Billings County with her husband, two daughters and a dog. She works for North Dakota's #1 tourist destination by day and tries to be an alright mom, wife, friend, and writer by night.
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